The Penis and Testicles Coalition Party

A day of debate within the Senate of a lesser known, but far more common, legislative body, known simply as The United Body Parts of Male.

The proceedings are already underway: Senate makeup: Brain Party (BP): 50 members; Penis and Testicles Coalition Party (PTCP): 50 members 

Split decisions fall on the Vice President as the deciding vote. The current VP is a member of the PTCP, but is a moderate and known to only side with his own party when his own current and specific interests are at stake.  The President, on the other hand, is a strong proponent of the PTCP platform, and will quickly sign into law any bill passed by his party.

VP: “Ladies and gentlemen of the Senate, please, let’s have order.  We are here to debate the bill before us: SR1948C, more popularly known as the “should we hook up with this random girl at a party” bill.  This bill is urgent, as any extended debate will limit the possibility of carrying out the recommended measures.  I open it up to the floor.”

Announcer: “The floor recognizes the Senator from the right testicle, member of the PTCP (PTCP-RT).” 

PTCP-RT: “Thank you, good sir.  It is clear what must be done here and the fine people of the Senate know it.  This is a fine party we have attended as a united body, with many available alcoholic beverages and many fine young females, which, if I may be so bold, could be described as ‘bootylicious’.  We have consumed several drinks, both of the beer and ‘jungle juice’ variety, and now this fine young woman has taken an interest in us.  It is clear to us all what must be done for the good of the United Body Parts of Male.  We must take advantage of this wonderful opportunity before us, because life is for the living, and none of us knows how long any of us will have.  Surely, we should enjoy our lives and experience all we can.  That is all I have to add, thank you all.” 

Announcer: “The floor recognizes the Senator from the frontal lobe, member of the BP (BP-FL) 

BP-FL: “Thank you, gentleman speaker.  Despite what my esteemed colleague from the other side of the aisle may say, this action is not in our best interests.  It is clear that this fleeting moment of pleasure, no matter how wonderful, is laced with intrinsic dangers.  First, we know nothing of this girl other than her physical appearance; there are clear possibilities for future troubles involving disease, pregnancy, angry boyfriends/husbands, stalking, and fierce rumors that could cost us future endeavors of greater value both in career, love and our own mental integrity.  Furthermore, our time could be better spent in creative pursuits, business pursuits, friendships, etc., all of which will be increased by an early turn-in to bed and a bright and non-hangover related next day.  Thank you for your time and vote against this heinous proposition.” 

Announcer: “The floor recognizes the senator from the vas deferens, member of the PTCP party (PTCP-VD)” 

PTCP-VD:  “Thank you honorable speaker.  I’d like to digress a moment here to find common ground with my great colleagues from the Brain Party.  Time is of the essence, this is true, but we must find a way to meet on common ground here, or no one wins.  I think we should take a minute to dance a little, talk to the girl a bit more, and perhaps have another drink or two.  I think the Senators representing the brain can agree that such a sexual encounter as this is not only beneficial for those of us from the penis and testicle region, but that the brain, too, experiences immeasurable benefits in terms of an ego boost and the feeling of attractiveness that often follows approval by the opposite sex.  Why must we always focus on the negative aspects for the brain?  I would argue that the brain benefits at least as much as we do.  Just think about the enjoyment that will come from the bragging rights one will have with one’s friends both present and future.  These are all points to consider, and while you do, please enjoy another fine shot of tequila.  Thank you for your time.” 

Announcer: “The floor recognizes the Senator from the cerebral cortex, Senate leader for the BP (BP-CC).” 

BP-CC: “Friends, countrymen, hormones!  Can’t you see what they are trying to do to you?!  They are feeding you drinks and kind words, trying to get you to dance and loosen up, but only for their own gain!  Bragging rights with a bunch of rogue bodies whose governments are run by majorities of their kind is not worth this risk!  Our electorate deserves better!  Do not be mislead!  Our ego is stronger than this and does not require such absurd means of validation.  Stand with us and we will lead you to greater things ultimately!” 

Announcer: “The floor recognizes the Senator from the penis, Senate leader for the PTCP (PTCP-P).” 

PTCP-P: “Thank you speaker.  Let me speak freely.  This is not just about my own pleasure.  We all know that the interests of the body politic come with the satisfaction of each of its parts.  Along this line of thinking it seems relevant to mention the one-year hiatus this body has taken from events of sexual congress.  Meanwhile, the brain continues to read all it wants, enjoy drugs and alcohol freely, watch movies and other forms of entertainment at free will, and bathes in the pleasure neurotransmitters that all parts of the body provide for it.  What we ask is hardly selfish, especially considering that the brain receives pleasure from this as well.  Must we continue to be subservient to this pleasure despot?  Please vote affirmative before it is too late and once again this opportunity walks away.  Also, have another drink.  Thank you.” 

Announcer: “And last for the debate, please welcome the Senator from the hypothalamus, member of the Brain Party (BP-HT).” 

BP-HT: (approaches podium with plastic cup of jungle juice, which he frequently spills along the way creating a trail of fruity goodness) “Ladieeees and gentleman, I could…uh, debate this thing all night and shit but, let’s face it, she’s got great titties, whoo-hoo!  Let’s get neeeked! Party!!!” (he promptly spills the remaining jungle juice over his head and charges back to the PTCP table to get more, screaming incoherently) 

Announcer: “Let’s place the vote.” 

Time passes, much grumbling is heard from the BP side, yells of “traitor!” are directed in the hypothalamus’s direction, and then the votes are in. 

Announcer: “It appears we have a 51-24 victory for the PTCP as several Senators from the BP have passed out and abstained from voting.  Besides, they have now cranked “The Blarney Stone” by Ween to top volume and it’s time to party.  Senate adjourned.”

Or so it goes.  Though I assure you at times the Brain Party does win out.  I swear.  No really, it happens.