Third party candidates?

There are times politics all starts to make this Simpsons Halloween special appear a little too accurate.  And it’s times like those that the words and actions of Ralph Nader and Ron Paul start to sound like a refreshing splash of realism to wash the shit stains of cynicism and subsequent indifference off my A-Team pajamas.  And I imagine any person capable of thinking deeper than the frighteningly common instances of tribal good vs. evil, A vs. not-A, sports mentality politics so commonly nourished by the punditocracy of the major media has succumbed to this type of apathy…myself included.

A brief history, if I must:

The Penis and Testicles Coalition Party

A day of debate within the Senate of a lesser known, but far more common, legislative body, known simply as The United Body Parts of Male.

The proceedings are already underway: Senate makeup: Brain Party (BP): 50 members; Penis and Testicles Coalition Party (PTCP): 50 members 

Split decisions fall on the Vice President as the deciding vote. The current VP is a member of the PTCP, but is a moderate and known to only side with his own party when his own current and specific interests are at stake.  The President, on the other hand, is a strong proponent of the PTCP platform, and will quickly sign into law any bill passed by his party.

VP: “Ladies and gentlemen of the Senate, please, let’s have order.  We are here to debate the bill before us: SR1948C, more popularly known as the “should we hook up with this random girl at a party” bill.  This bill is urgent, as any extended debate will limit the possibility of carrying out the recommended measures.  I open it up to the floor.”

Announcer: “The floor recognizes the Senator from the right testicle, member of the PTCP (PTCP-RT).” 

PTCP-RT: “Thank you, good sir.  It is clear what must be done here and the fine people of the Senate know it.  This is a fine party we have attended as a united body, with many available alcoholic beverages and many fine young females, which, if I may be so bold, could be described as ‘bootylicious’.  We have consumed several drinks, both of the beer and ‘jungle juice’ variety, and now this fine young woman has taken an interest in us.  It is clear to us all what must be done for the good of the United Body Parts of Male.  We must take advantage of this wonderful opportunity before us, because life is for the living, and none of us knows how long any of us will have.  Surely, we should enjoy our lives and experience all we can.  That is all I have to add, thank you all.” 

The Bush Factor (AKA “What I did on my summer vacation”)

The other night on the news there was a hubbub that was causing quite a stir in the bar, and it forced me to occasionally pull my nose out of the pint of Guinness I was gradually hibernating in.  Seems the people of Arkansas (and apparently much of the rest of the nation) were “havin’ themselves an election” as the jovial gent next to me colorfully put it.  And amongst all the pretty flashing lights I kept seeing the same question: “How has the Bush Factor affected voters’ decisions this election?”  An interesting query, to be sure, though far less so once I was informed by the equally stupefied gent next to me that “Bush” was, in fact, the name of the current President of this here conglomeration of somewhat interconnected nation-states.

“You don’t say!” I exclaimed, fashionably drooling in an effort to attract the many members of the opposite sex hovering about my general vicinity, “And here I thought that was one of George Carlin’s seven words you can’t say on television!”  Twat.  I was informed that I was actually thinking of the colorful single-meaning ‘twat’, and not the rather un-enjoyable half-whispered (perhaps due to its origin of being whispered between seventh-grade males in English class) multiple-meaning ‘bush’ that I had often considered far more crude in common parlance.  Twat vs. Bush?  A crime…sheer crime.  Bloody FCC.

But then I knew what must happen in this state of affairs: someone as blissfully unaware of the state of things as me, either because of or in spite of their frequent consumption of legal drugs, must be located by these reporters and answer this question…

Politics as usual

I’ve been wanting to write blogs for some time, on a variety of topics, but since political blogs are how I was introduced to the medium I’m sure I will always be drawn to them.  The problem with such blogs is the same as with other forums that discuss topics: polarization of opinion without any real discussion of facts.  This pattern gradually appears everywhere, two locations I have found demonstrative: